Upper radiator hose blew-2002 Ford Windstar SEL

[B and C]

It is very difficult to take her anywhere as the bathroom issue is a tough one. We used to go to the grocery store together but keeping up with her and trying to shop got to be too much for me. She requires assistance and I am not about to go into a women's restroom or take her into a men's room, so stuck it is. I would get a treadmill off craigslist except no room to put it.

Wish I could speed walk! This bum knee stops that. Even walking a store when I can get out makes it hurt for hours after I get back. It was better when I did some regular walking but not any real distance. Dentist is on my list but I really want to do Algodones for that. I have two crowns that need replacing and a cracked tooth that needs tending. Don't know how I am going to pull that off. I took her to the dentist a few months ago and that will probably be the last time. Her teeth are in a lot better shape than mine.

I've put off getting any trying to get any kind of in home care so I can get out, as I really don't want strangers rummaging around. I know there are nanny cams to be had.

[Snikwahjm]

Some places have “family rest rooms” you could safely do that. I totally get that. My mom would wander into the bathroom when I was fixing food and some how make a turd on the floor. If I didn’t notice I would step in it. Yuck. Some times she would manage to make one roll down her pants leg... then track it all over the house. Some times she would head for the bathroom and drop her pants and miss the toilet then sit on it.... But usually she would do it in her pants and not notice. I had to be there at the ready all the time. Messy...

I know what you mean about getting home care coming in and snooping around. Toward the end I couldn’t bathe her very well alone so we had an aid come in a couple times a week. Great big woman... The aid had all kinds of nifty tricks. A couple years back we had an aid for just a couple weeks before we let her go, but I learned what I needed to know for the time.

Do the dentist thing but talk to them about having some kind of help with her while you are in the chair. Moms go with small children and the staff gladly helps. I totally understand. Tomorrow I go see if a tooth I let go needs a root cannel. It should have been an easy fix at the time.

Choose your battles... some places have grocery pick up or they deliver. I hate it but it might be a good thing for you right now. Shopping on line is not the same as going to a store but you don’t have to go out. At Christmas time my daughter and I took a couple kids and Mom to a museum. It was all pretty for Christmas. Some have family restrooms call ahead. We didn’t try to see the whole museum. Mom loved getting out and seeing the decorations.

A lot of people at the pool have knee and hip problems and the water exercise is good.. Our pool has a family changing or handicap changing room. I wish I could have just taken mom to to the Y just for showers but most of the time showers were impromptu... or Sunday morning. The home tub was very hard for her to climb in and out of. My Y pass comes from my insurance.

It sounds like you are doing everything you know to do. It seemed to help me to look beyond Mom’s care. But what I was looking at wasn’t anything my husband wanted in his life. He did go along with some of my ideas just to appease me. Sadly disappointing and threw me into having to reinvent my whole life all over again. I’m still working on it.

[B and C]

I wouldn't feel good taking her out at all now even if family restrooms were available. The screaming and the cussing. Don't know if she would do it in public but the TV here gets an earful and sometimes she talks to her imaginary friends and cusses me to them?

The bathing issue is easy here as when we built the addition, a 5x7 shower was built. Trying to plan for the wheelchair stage. Easy walk in with no threshold and a portable chair. She gets hosed down anytime it's needed. She likes to wipe the sh*t everywhere and is very sneaky doing it. Constant cleanup for sure.

We have a pool in the backyard but she won't be getting into it. The water temp was 53 the last I looked so it will be awhile.

We traveled in a van throughout our marriage and we got to travel in the Roadtrek for a year after I retired but that came to a screeching halt as she couldn't take the changes any more. Now I try to keep everything the same.

[American Nomad Patriot]

I used the adult pull up diapers on my mom. She didn't know any better. She too had a difficulty getting squared up on the seat. I more afraid she would fall. I got one of those toilet seat risers with the handle bars on the side. Worked pretty good. Ohh..and let me tell yall my favorite medical aid was the automatic pill dispenser. Holy sh*t that was great ! It was locked and I could put two weeks worth of pills in there for two times a day. It has a little timer and beeper alarm. When it was time to take her meds the thing automatically rotated to the only open hole. The alarm would go off when you turned it upside down. I kept it in my room on a high shelf then set my alarms on my cell phone to coordinate with her meds. And then set the two week alarm to refill the dispenser. Best $35 spent during that time. If you don't have one ...get one from Amazon. I'll give you the link if you need it. I was blessed for about two years to have an x-gf help me take care of her so I could work a little bit here and there. I couldn't afford to pay her unless I worked that day (I got paid hourly plus $130/day per diem). But she would only watch her during the daytime. Never overnight. Then my best friends mother would come after xgf got new job out of town. That was great too until she needed two knee replacements. She was same age as my mother. So then when I ran out of money we sold her house and moved her to my brothers. That lasted about one year and my brother and sis in law couldn't do it anymore either (Who btw only came to visit mom maybe once a twice a year while I had her..they only lived an hour away). Now she in nursing home and I have plenty of people go by there for an hour or more fro a little cash and check on her and visit. They give me the truth..good or bad. That's what I want. So I am back on the road working. I've gotten to spend very little time with my mom since being "home" at my dads due to this whole bus engine b.s. ...FML <--Fk My Life. LOL Just living best I can since thats what I know my mother would want. No one ever wants to be a burden on anyone else intentionally if they got any heart. I would just try to stay as healthy as possible . If your health declines more than your wife's. "Who would take care of her for you if you were not able?" You don't have to answer that. I just asked myself that question so many times. David

[Snikwahjm]

Adult pull-ups lined with a big old poise pad saved a lot of headaches and couch pillow washings. For pills we used Simple Meds, a mail order pharmacy that puts the meds on strips. You tear one off for the time of day you need a pill. Everything you need to know is printed on each packet. My ornery Dad loved that. And I could monitor if he took the pill or not just at a glance at the roll. The cost was comparable to any other pharmacy. If Dad needed to go to the doctor he would tear off a day’s worth of meds and take them along. The nurse would just copy down his meds. Dad loved it that he didn’t have to remember names of anything at the doctor’s office. That gave him some independence.

How did this get from radiator hose? I guess there are similarities....

[B and C]

Blown out life?

We are using Depends and they seem to mostly be up to the task. She usually sits in a recliner (not reclined) on a mattress pad. Same ones I use on the bed. When she starts getting fidgety, I ask her if she needs to go to the bathroom and the answer is usually yes, about every hour to hour and a half. There is also a vinyl padded chair that has a tray that clips on for her to eat on.

My wife is fairly healthy too. The only real med is for dementia (Donepezil). Everything else is just vitamins so only once a day.

Our son or his wife gives me a day off every now and then so it works out some. It's not like I can really go anywhere, usually a late breakfast out and a grocery store. I was gone for three months this summer, july - sept. I think it about did the kids in... Not sure if I'll get another outing until after she passes. She is still ambulatory and can say a few words, just not many. She screams at the TV all day and sometimes says she hates me to who I have no idea, which wears on me. In her lucid moments she wishes it was over.

[Snikwahjm]

Yeah. Blown out...
when mom could remember things from long ago it was fun to get her going. I never knew when something might trigger her. For awhile she loved to do puzzles with large pieces. Then she got like your wife. She just sat in her chair. Her muscles eventually quit.
Yeah, getting out is hard. Grocery shop at home and just pick it up so you have time to do other stuff. Start to invent a new life for when you are able to get out. Plan some trips. Take care of your own health. It’s hard when all you see is her sitting in a chair all day.

[RoamingKat]

There is an online group that was a godsend for me when I was going through the full time caregiver with both parents.....

https://www.agingcare.com/caregiver-forum

There seems to always be some folks around more than willing to help and be a place to vent.
Very active forum.

There were times I just couldn’t see how to go on, they helped me through the worst of it. AND, because they are all going through it too...they know some tips and tricks that really helped.

[B and C]

I will get in the van and leave when she does. I will continue the original plan to be gone for 10 mos. of the year for as many years as I have left in me.

Thanks for the tip RoamingKat. I'll add it to my list. I haven't quite got to the point of seeking outside help or consul as of yet.

In my reply above, I wasn't looking for comisery or sympathy. I hope that is not how I came across. I am hanging in there the best I can under the circumstances. I am glad everyone shared. I know I am not the first or last to go through this.

Thanks again.

[Snikwahjm]

You don’t have to look for sympathy. We know you need it. Been there...