This from a beat up, rusty old 91’ Ford 350 advertisement in the Atlanta Craigslist:
(Begin description)
1991 Ford E350 7.3 Diesel Van - $4,140. Doraville
YOU THERE! Yes you, work-from-home Zoomer self-taught software developer! Are you watching the world economy implode from your overpriced mid-rise intown apartment? Is your Instagram flipping between beautiful people shilling high-priced goods, and beautiful people smashing the stores from which they are sold? I bet you've been thinking "How do I get away from the lie that is my subscription-model, materialistic life and prepare for a post-Capitalist techno-subsistance economy?" Maybe you've been thinking lately that "Kaczynski" guy wasn't SO off-base after all?
Well YOU need this 1991 Ford E-350 Super Van! Hell, it's even called Super. It has 18" more van than usual, which is 18" more space for activities between you and other consenting, informed adults. This van is a rare 15-passenger window van with the legendary 7.3 liter IDI diesel engine.
Descended from the finest American tractors, the 7.3 IDI is well known for lasting hundreds of thousands of miles and for burning anything that is somewhat greasy. At just over 197,000 miles, it's just getting warmed up (a clean CARFAX is available for your perusal!) Absolute perfection for moving deep into Appalachia and raising your own hogs and oilseeds - it's like investing in soybean futures, but it's YOUR soybean future!
It runs, it drives, it turns, it stops, and has a clean title, making it better than 88% of the trucks on the road in Georgia. This van is the last of the true indestructible dinosaur Ford trucks, from a time when America was great, men were men, and steel was free. High ground clearance, a truck frame, and giant balloon tires make this van able to jump curbs, parking stones, and most road medians at will (ask me how I know). Clear brush and small trees just by running over them! Stare down luxury crossovers as you impinge upon their lane and parking spots, because what are you gonna do about it Stacy?
The interior is "missing" to put it nicely, but that means you can fit it out any way you want. The driver's floor area has Transparent Floor Syndrome" from 20 years of being used as a logging company shuttle in North Carolina, so either be handy with 18 gauge and a welder or add a big enough floormat so you won't notice. You better enjoy life in the slow lane, because the 3-speed C6 transmission means you'll top out at maybe 65. Tires are at 50-60% - let's call them "Most Terrains". It will smoke on startup - one or more injectors likely has mild clogging, so make sure you are friends with your HOA Karen Squad before booting her up.
In the past 1000 miles:
Glow plugs were moved to a manual pushbutton (You can count to 10, right?) in lieu of the unreliable 1980s timer
Alternator and all belts replaced
Transmission, brake, and power steering fluids inspected and changed
(More descriptions however my editing of formatting wiped them out)
This van has been my Give Absolutely No F**ks vehicle for a few months, and it could Give Absolutely No F**ks about you! This generation of Ford Econoline is still well supported by the aftermarket, so many accessories and mods are available for building your unique #vanlyfe experience. You know whose lives matter? YOUR life matters! Take it into your own hands, put on that Hawaiian shirt, and live free or die today like a real Canadian.
$4000 OBO - trades for interesting van contraptions, vantrucks, and Mitsubishi Vans are welcome.
(End of listing description)
(Begin description)
1991 Ford E350 7.3 Diesel Van - $4,140. Doraville
YOU THERE! Yes you, work-from-home Zoomer self-taught software developer! Are you watching the world economy implode from your overpriced mid-rise intown apartment? Is your Instagram flipping between beautiful people shilling high-priced goods, and beautiful people smashing the stores from which they are sold? I bet you've been thinking "How do I get away from the lie that is my subscription-model, materialistic life and prepare for a post-Capitalist techno-subsistance economy?" Maybe you've been thinking lately that "Kaczynski" guy wasn't SO off-base after all?
Well YOU need this 1991 Ford E-350 Super Van! Hell, it's even called Super. It has 18" more van than usual, which is 18" more space for activities between you and other consenting, informed adults. This van is a rare 15-passenger window van with the legendary 7.3 liter IDI diesel engine.
Descended from the finest American tractors, the 7.3 IDI is well known for lasting hundreds of thousands of miles and for burning anything that is somewhat greasy. At just over 197,000 miles, it's just getting warmed up (a clean CARFAX is available for your perusal!) Absolute perfection for moving deep into Appalachia and raising your own hogs and oilseeds - it's like investing in soybean futures, but it's YOUR soybean future!
It runs, it drives, it turns, it stops, and has a clean title, making it better than 88% of the trucks on the road in Georgia. This van is the last of the true indestructible dinosaur Ford trucks, from a time when America was great, men were men, and steel was free. High ground clearance, a truck frame, and giant balloon tires make this van able to jump curbs, parking stones, and most road medians at will (ask me how I know). Clear brush and small trees just by running over them! Stare down luxury crossovers as you impinge upon their lane and parking spots, because what are you gonna do about it Stacy?
The interior is "missing" to put it nicely, but that means you can fit it out any way you want. The driver's floor area has Transparent Floor Syndrome" from 20 years of being used as a logging company shuttle in North Carolina, so either be handy with 18 gauge and a welder or add a big enough floormat so you won't notice. You better enjoy life in the slow lane, because the 3-speed C6 transmission means you'll top out at maybe 65. Tires are at 50-60% - let's call them "Most Terrains". It will smoke on startup - one or more injectors likely has mild clogging, so make sure you are friends with your HOA Karen Squad before booting her up.
In the past 1000 miles:
Glow plugs were moved to a manual pushbutton (You can count to 10, right?) in lieu of the unreliable 1980s timer
Alternator and all belts replaced
Transmission, brake, and power steering fluids inspected and changed
(More descriptions however my editing of formatting wiped them out)
This van has been my Give Absolutely No F**ks vehicle for a few months, and it could Give Absolutely No F**ks about you! This generation of Ford Econoline is still well supported by the aftermarket, so many accessories and mods are available for building your unique #vanlyfe experience. You know whose lives matter? YOUR life matters! Take it into your own hands, put on that Hawaiian shirt, and live free or die today like a real Canadian.
$4000 OBO - trades for interesting van contraptions, vantrucks, and Mitsubishi Vans are welcome.
(End of listing description)
"Life is short, smile while you still have teeth."
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